David T. Music And Stuff

Hi folks,

Mom and dad taught a couples class at their church for some years. If there was anybody more qualified to teach such a class, it was them. I never saw them argue or genuinely mad at each other until dad retired and he had to learn how to live in mom’s territory and she had to learn how to share her domain. Mom complained that dad would get in her way in the kitchen when she was trying to prepare meals. He also took over the grocery shopping. He began clipping and saving coupons and he would come home with three jars of peanut butter or four bottles of ketchup . . . You get the picture . . .

I think, eventually they worked it out. You never saw dad in the kitchen when mom was cooking and mom didn’t want anything to do with dad’s whimsical meals.

I have found that respect and admiration for each other is important in a marriage. Holding hands??? Always!!! There is nothing more intimate or demonstrative of affection than holding hands. At the very least, holding hands in public says “I’m with stupid” better than any t-shirt can. The “I’m with stupid” part is a joke if you think I really think that. Actually, I wonder if Sue is thinking that, sometimes, when we are holding hands in public . . . She must really love me because Sue puts up with me . . . My wife is incredible and I always try to let her know how lucky I am to have found her.

Also. Never miss an opportunity to say “I love you”. Your world can fall apart in an instant and you don’t want to be the one to say “I should have let them know how much they mean to me”.

I have been thinking of my two daughters while editing the following story. Jennifer has been married for almost four years and Nicole is ready to make the vows next Spring. I hope they can remember their grandpa’s advice when it’s needed and, I think they both learned from observing their grandma and grampa demonstrating what marriage is all about . . . Holding hands.

Thanks for reading and, remember there is a comments section at the end of each article. Please, feel free to say what you are thinking and perhaps, add to this conversation.

Love to all,

David T

“Hold Hands in Marital Unity”

By Don Tschirhart

Excerpted from the unpublished book “It’s a Wonderful World II: A Retired Reporter Looks At Life“

After 56 years living in bliss with the same lady you may think me an expert on marital longevity.
I’m not. No one is. Everyone of us is different, thank heaven, and everyone makes their own choices and walks their own paths.
But there are certain, and very limited, ground rules that engaged couples might want to follow.
I asked a few friends what they liked about marriage.
One young lady quickly responded:
“Marriage is wonderful. You become so relaxed; sometimes it’s like floating on air.”
An older couple said, it’s like being in church. In church you hold hands in unity and pray. That’s what marriage is: Holding hands in unity through life.
I spoke with an 89-year-old woman as we walked around the track at the Lapeer Community Center and asked her about her marriage.
“We were married for 54 years before he died a few years back, she said. He was a real gentleman. We loved each other very much and I miss him. Looking back I can’t think of one time we had a real argument.”
She chuckled and added, “He always gave in to what I wanted.”
This is the time of the year when couples begin their life in common — they become husband and wife in a civil or church ceremony and pledge fidelity forever and ever.
Realistically we know there are couples who cross their fingers behind their backs when they say the pledge words.
They may at the time believe the pledge words, but soon after lean on their old selfish ways.
In at least 50 percent of the time there are separations and divorce, much to their angst and their children’s misfortune.
Also realistically, a very high percentage of couples spend much time in bed before tying the knot. They may not like the statistics, but about 70 percent of couples who live together before matrimony will end up in divorce court.
Why do you suppose this high divorce rate?
1. Do you remember the song, “Will you respect me in the morning?”
Young women underestimate the sensitivity of young men. Nature has made men with higher and quicker carnal appetites than women. So many men are on the prod to find women with similar desires.
On the other hand, most women want to be loved and to have a man as a security blanket and to be nurtured. While they may have similar sexual desires they want security to go with it.
Having fulfilled the desire the question then becomes, “Will you respect me in the morning?”
I think it’s the woman who may ask, and the man who may pussyfoot around the answer.
2. What is true love?
True love is spending all your waking moments doing everything in your power to make your wife or husband happy.
This doesn’t mean losing your individual identity in a marriage. It means retaining your own personality, but merging it with another self. If it means giving up something you want, so be it. That’s being unselfish.
3. Make time for thinking about what it means, besides sex, to be married.
Some couples think an engagement is time to plan the wedding, a one-day splurge: invitations; reserving a church and clergy; flowers, wedding clothes, honeymoon, picture-taking. Making everything beautiful and memorable for an event that starts a new life, but whose memory will fade in a few years.
The engagement period should be a time when both ask questions: Income? Children? Housing? Beer or wine drinkers? The amount of starch to use on shirts? Where are the anger buttons? How quick and for how long? Generous or cheap skate? Gentle or rough? Willing to compromise or give in? Look you in the eye or look away when speaking?
4. Changing spouse’s habits?
It’s an old saw, but it’s true. It is very difficult to teach a spouse new tricks. Habits for 10-20 years are very hard to break.
A guy or gal who throws dirty clothes on the floor or leaves the toilet seat up will not change overnight. Those habits were never taught by parents. If you are a neat freak, hold up on a wedding. You may become your spouse’s slave.
5. Watch out for rough stuff. If at any time the fiancé strikes out against you, run, don’t walk away from the wedding no matter how much money and time has been spent on wedding plans.
Battering cannot change and I’d give 100-to-1 odds you both will be unhappy.
Follow the rules I’ve outlined and I’ll almost guarantee a delightful union for at least a half century.